I guess it has been 3 whole months since Sara or I posted on here! I have been busy gestating and enjoying my last few months as a Mommy of one. Today I felt inspired to write about all the conversations I have been having with a wonderful friend of mine. She is on the cusp of having children- that scary "do we, and if so when?" time of life. I remember it well. All of the insecurities of "will this ruin our marriage?", "what will happen to my body?", not to mention all of the wonderful horror stories people tell you about birth. As a pro-family person I have tried to be reassuring and let my friend know that everything she is feeling is totally normal and us Moms feel the same way about kids as non-Moms do. Here are three of the most important...
"UGH! Shut your kid up!"
This occurance was a trip we took to Ikea after a dinner date with our hubbies (we had secured a sitter). It was late, close to closing, and everyone had their children there. They were tired, hungry and melting down around every corner. I felt the need to explain: I want those kids to shut up too. This is not about bad kids- it's about the parents who think it is a great idea to take their offspring out at all hours despite their age, health, schedule and the appropriateness of the outing. Feeding off of this...
"Us Moms don't love every kid. Most of us just like our own."
Being a Mom does not turn you into a cooing baby oogler or child obsessed. No, we don't think every baby or child is cute and having one doesn't make us want a million. Yes, we may be more tolerant of those crying kids at Ikea but its mostly just because we live with a little one we love (and in all honesty, we've all got caught with a crying child). Our children mean the world to us but other kids can be annoying and even repulsive. Do we love playdates or breastfeeding support groups? Yes, because it gives us a chance to have human conversations and if we were only around kids all the time (including our own) we would go nuts. However, yes, I will say it. Being a Mom doesn't automatically make you a "kid person" and you don't have to be one to be a fabulous Mommy. On a positive note...
"You are going to be an amazing Mom!"
Many of us didn't believe it either until someone else reassured us. We don't feel like Supermom or Wonderwoman every day. Or week. Or month. I was brought to tears the first time my Mom told me she thought I was a good Mom just a few months after I had my daughter and there is no bigger compliment. We all have those insecurities but you will still be you, you will have your spouse, family, friends, sense of humor, kindness and love you did before. Life still goes on after kids. You can still do all the things you want to do and accomplish your dreams but the path to get there might look a little different. There is this wonderful thing called nap time. There are also wonderful people called "Grandparents", "Aunts", "Uncles", "babysitters", etc. who showed love and support to you and your kids. And let you nap. Or shop. Or go on vacation. Or whatever it was you did before baby. Although most of these things you can do with kids, but they look a little different.
So, my dear friend- there are lots of people who will try to convince you not to have kids for a variety of reasons but there are many more of us who will cheer you on and tell you all the good stuff about having your own family. Hands down, next to marrying my husband it is the best decision I have ever made and my life is better because of it.
